Back Again

Forgive me bloggers for I have sinned. It has been over 1 year since my last blog entry.

Wow, over 1 year. A lot has happened since my last blog entry. I was recently inspired by a friend to give this a go again, so let's me sum up the year. 

October of 2011 

I ran my first 10k and was well on my way to hitting my first major weight goal of 260. I was 12 pounds away. After the 10k something something in my head said to stop running and unfortunately I listened. I can't really say for sure what it was. I was stoked after my 10k, I had a good time but I just stopped running. 

Skip ahead to June 2012. 

I had gained back a bit of weight (15 pounds), and knew I needed to get back off my ass and start running again. A friend of mine pushed me and pushed me and finally after a a month getting back into the swing of things, in July I ran my first 7.3 miles pretty much non stop, it was great. I was back on track! 

In August 

I did my first Zombie mud run (as a zombie) and had a great time. I was certainly going to hit my weight goals...so I thought. In December I slowed down again. Just got bored and tired of all this weight loss stuff. The constant tracking of foods, and the calorie counting, etc... I simply gave up. Of course, I wish I hadn't. 

Let's skip to now and the reason I am blogging again. 

I'm back to 30 pounds gained back of my 53 lost. All those pounds I swore I would never let come back on are there again, it's frustrating! Not only that, but clothes are not fitting, I am tired all the time again, and I can feel the old lazies starting to come back. 

This needs to STOP! 

I know the only person who can get me back on track is me. All the people I used to work out with are far above my fitness level now and I'm back to working out alone. I'm missing the people who used to push me all the time. I promised myself I would get back on track.

What am I doing?

I started to eat Primal last week and so far it has been going well. I went a week eating totally clean. Until today that is. I missed breakfast, was really hungry and someone brought in some crappy food....I went to town on it. I feel like crap now of course, but I made great choices the rest of the day. I'll get back on this and drop the pounds again. I just hope I can stick to it this time. 

My ramblings are done for the day. Back to reading more inspirational blogs. :) 

Slipping

Dear Fat Vinny

Stop…just STOP! This past week you’ve given into all the urges, gone to the gym just 3 times and tonight binged your way to making me feel guilty. I need you settle down and go back to letting the skinny me try to come out again. I can’t go back to the way I was. Why do you have to pop up after we just had a great weigh-in? Why are you trying to halt all the progress I have made so far….

JUST GO AWAY!

This past week I’ve been eating like shit, I’ve been lazy and just a bit depressed overall. Today I didn’t eat breakfast, ate tuna for lunch (150 cals) and then for dinner I was starving! I know that’s wrong and I know what that leads to, but I did it anyway. So what happened after that? For dinner I went out and went crazy on hot wings…I mean crazy! Driving there I knew what I was doing, I thought to myself that I should make a better choice. But fat Vinny was hungry dammit and he was going to have some wings!

Do you know how you’re not supposed to go grocery shopping while hungry? Well the same applies when ordering food apparently. Not only did I order 18 wings, I also ordered mozzarella sticks. I knew all along that it was wrong and I would just regret it after, but I let it happen anyway.  I also know that my stomach can’t handle that much food anymore. My mind however wants to eat like I'm still 320 pounds.

This post is really just for me tonight. I need to write these actions down and be honest with myself that I still can’t be trusted around food. I need to be constantly aware of what I'm eating and write it down. To be honest though, it’s getting tiresome. A year of this is starting to get old and I’m afraid I’m slowly slipping back into my old ways. I’m afraid Fat Vinny is going to win and that 320 I used to be will come back and then some.

Boredom is setting in.

I need to switch things up a bit. The problem is my anxiety keeps me from trying new things. I’d like to take a fitness class, maybe a spin or a core class, but I can’t bring myself to go. I always talk myself out of it. I really need to work on that. The funny thing is, I think my social anxiety comes from being overweight. It’s being overweight that keeps me from trying new things…heh…weird, and a bit disturbing.

Tomorrow is a new day, and a new set of choices to make. I’ll wake up feeling bloated and fat from all the salt I took in today and I’ll feel like crap. The good thing is that I know I don’t have to weigh myself for another 3 weeks.  Hopefully I’ll make better choices and Fat Vinny will step aside and let the Fit Me take control again.

Ya know what?

Screw that! The Fit Vinny WILL take control tomorrow! I WILL make better choices and I WON’T feel like crap!

I also realize that this is all just talk and I need to take action. So, I’ll leave you all myself with one of my favorite quotes.

“It comes down to a simple choice, get busy living or get busy dying."  

- Andy Dufresne (Shawshank Redemption)